Guy to two girls: Hey! Do you like pizza? Wanna go get a slice?

Girl (laughing): No, we can’t eat. We gotta stay skinny.

– Overheard in Toronto

belligerent caterer to wife: I’m wasting my whole life making coleslaw!

– Overheard in Toronto

Teenage boy: There’s a homeless guy by my house and every time I pass him I give him change. ‘Cuz he looks like Chris Rock, and you know, I can’t say no to Chris Rock.

– Overheard in Toronto

Bum: Hey! Don’t you belong on Queen Street!!?
Hipster: Hey! Don’t you belong in jail!!?

– Overheard in Toronto at Yonge and College

girl texting: I wanted to type ‘p*ssy’ but it came out as ‘puppy’

– Overheard in Toronto

dude in line for an exam: Etobicoke, yea its in ’sauga.

– Overheard in Toronto at Seneca College

Girl studying for exam: Hinduism, I’m gonna rape you up the ass.

– Overheard in Toronto at the University of Toronto (Scarborough)

Guy, yelling down College to another guy talking to a girl: Yo man, get off that b*tch and come get Burger King.

– Overheard in Toronto at College and Spadina

Guy #1: What’s a European lapdance?
Guy #2: Maybe she holds a French bread while doing it.

– Overheard in Toronto at a Chip Shop

Crackhead: “I can’t wait to sh*t my pants!”

– Overheard in Toronto at College and Bathurst