Bum: Hey! Don’t you belong on Queen Street!!?
Hipster: Hey! Don’t you belong in jail!!?

– Overheard in Toronto at Yonge and College

girl texting: I wanted to type ‘pussy’ but it came out as ‘puppy’

– Overheard in Toronto

dude in line for an exam: Etobicoke, yea its in ’sauga.

– Overheard in Toronto at Seneca College

Girl studying for exam: Hinduism, I’m gonna rape you up the ass.

– Overheard in Toronto at the University of Toronto (Scarborough)

Guy, yelling down College to another guy talking to a girl: Yo man, get off that b*tch and come get Burger King.

– Overheard in Toronto at College and Spadina

Guy #1: What’s a European lapdance?
Guy #2: Maybe she holds a French bread while doing it.

– Overheard in Toronto at a Chip Shop

Crackhead: “I can’t wait to sh*t my pants!”

– Overheard in Toronto at College and Bathurst

Guy: You know, one day he said to me, “Cocaine is ruining our friendship.”
Girl: You used to do it together?
Guy: We used to sell it together.

– Overheard in Toronto at College and Spadina

Girl, smugly: Your fly is open.
Guy, irritated: Good, less work for you.

– Overheard in Toronto on the TTC bus #196

Guy #1: Hey man, you want to go tickle the ivory’s?

Guy #2: Oh uh. No… I don’t have to go.

Guy #1: What? Um. It means play piano, man.

Guy #2: Oh… sure, then.

– Overheard in Toronto at a house party