Odour Control

Guy #1: Have you heard of SciCorp Biologic?
Guy #2: No. What do they do?
Guy #1: They make odour control and sludge reduction products.
Guy #2: My uncle could use some of that.
Guy #1: What, for his septic system?
Guy #2: No for his wife.
– Overheard at Union Station

A player will always find a way to play

Chinese guy in halting English: What is your best memory since you arrive in Canada?
Japanese girl in similar halting fashion: My best memory was my friend birthday. I make him card and we give him surprise party. I like it very much.
Chinese guy: You know what is my best memory?
Japanese girl: […]

One relative too many

Woman: You know they broke up, right?
Man: Really!
Woman: About a week ago.
Man: Wow…
Woman: Yeah. Because he just knew that she had a brother.
– Overheard in a No Frills supermarket

Belcher’s Delight

*Teenage boy belches loudly.*
Old lady passing by: My, that was well brought up!
– Overheard at a church in Scarborough area

Fire vs. Water

Guy: I was sitting at my desk and he comes over and throws some water on me. So you know what I did?
Girl: What?
Guy: I went and took up my cup of hot coffee, sneaked up behind him and threw some of the coffee on his back.
Girl: !
Guy: Yeah, my fire […]

But straight guys can hit girls no problem

Girl: “So then he smacked my head against Jackie’s head. It really hurt.”
Guy: “Well, usually when a boy hits a girl it means he likes her.”
Girl: “No, this guy’s a flaming homosexual.”
Guy: “Oh.”
– Overheard at Food Court on Wellington St.

Because only white people act crazy

Girl #1 to giggling Girl #2: What’s up with you? Are you drunk?
Girl #3: No, she’s just white.
– Overheard on #134 Progress bus

Torontines in a Tin

Bus driver: Everyone please exit through the back doors once we arrive at the stops. Thank you.
Man with thick Russian accent: There is too many damn people in this country.
Bus driver: Could everyone please move towards the back to allow other passengers to enter the bus. Move towards the back. Thank you.
Man with thick Russian […]