Tick Tick Tick

cleaning lady (to other cleaning lady): My vacuum cleaner sounds like a bomb. I’m kind of scared it’s going to blow up.
– Overheard in Toronto in residence at the University of Toronto

Don’t make me slap you

*A woman got skirt stuck in between the subway doors and was trying to pry the door open to get it unstuck.*
another female passenger: If you cause this subway to be out of service, I’m going to b*tch slap you!
– Overheard in Toronto on the subway between Christie and Bathurst

Deaf much?

* two women drinking bubble tea *
Woman #1: Mmm…this is good.
Woman #2: Yeah. Hey, mine kinda tasted like peanuts.
Woman #1: WHAT?!
Woman #2: Yeah. It really tastes like peanuts.
Woman #1: HOW?
Woman #2: Peanuts? Peanuts?
Woman #1: Ohhh…peanuts. Thought you said…nevermind.
– Overheard in Toronto at the Eaton centre food court

You know you need new friends when

girl talking loudly on phone: I don’t have anyone to hang out with anymore. All my boys are gone. They’re all in prison.
– Overheard in Toronto in Malvern

So many issues

white girl talking on phone: I drank so much I almost passed out. It was fun, lots of good times, especially considering I was with white people. You know I don’t hang with white people.
– Overheard in Toronto on the #134 bus

You will never be sick again!

Girl to friend on phone: I am really scared of getting sick, so I am taking euthanasia.
– Overheard in Toronto on the #24D bus