Guy #1: What’s a European lapdance?
Guy #2: Maybe she holds a French bread while doing it.
– Overheard in Toronto at a Chip Shop

Crackhead: “I can’t wait to sh*t my pants!”
– Overheard in Toronto at College and Bathurst

Guy: You know, one day he said to me, “Cocaine is ruining our friendship.”
Girl: You used to do it together?
Guy: We used to sell it together.
– Overheard in Toronto at College and Spadina

Girl, smugly: Your fly is open.
Guy, irritated: Good, less work for you.
– Overheard in Toronto on the TTC bus #196

Guy #1: Hey man, you want to go tickle the ivory’s?
Guy #2: Oh uh. No… I don’t have to go.
Guy #1: What? Um. It means play piano, man.
Guy #2: Oh… sure, then.
– Overheard in Toronto at a house party

cleaning lady (to other cleaning lady): My vacuum cleaner sounds like a bomb. I’m kind of scared it’s going to blow up.
– Overheard in Toronto in residence at the University of Toronto

*A woman got skirt stuck in between the subway doors and was trying to pry the door open to get it unstuck.*
another female passenger: If you cause this subway to be out of service, I’m going to b*tch slap you!
– Overheard in Toronto on the subway between Christie and Bathurst

* two women drinking bubble tea *
Woman #1: Mmm…this is good.
Woman #2: Yeah. Hey, mine kinda tasted like peanuts.
Woman #1: WHAT?!
Woman #2: Yeah. It really tastes like peanuts.
Woman #1: HOW?
Woman #2: Peanuts? Peanuts?
Woman #1: Ohhh…peanuts. Thought you said…nevermind.
– Overheard in Toronto at the Eaton centre food court

girl talking loudly on phone: I don’t have anyone to hang out with anymore. All my boys are gone. They’re all in prison.
– Overheard in Toronto in Malvern

white girl talking on phone: I drank so much I almost passed out. It was fun, lots of good times, especially considering I was with white people. You know I don’t hang with white people.
– Overheard in Toronto on the #134 bus