Guy to two girls: Hey! Do you like pizza? Wanna go get a slice?
Girl (laughing): No, we can’t eat. We gotta stay skinny.
– Overheard in Toronto

Teenage boy: There’s a homeless guy by my house and every time I pass him I give him change. ‘Cuz he looks like Chris Rock, and you know, I can’t say no to Chris Rock.
– Overheard in Toronto

Student (pointedly checking watch): Are you really just having lunch now?
Friend: Yes. I wasn’t hungry at 12:30.
Student: Not hungry!
Friend: Well, no. I ate breakfast this morning.
Student: Breakfast! Nine hours ago you mean.
Friend (defensively): I’m still going to eat dinner when I get home.
Student: That’s because that’s dinner! This was suppose to have been lunch.
*Silence for […]

Chinese guy in halting English: What is your best memory since you arrive in Canada?
Japanese girl in similar halting fashion: My best memory was my friend birthday. I make him card and we give him surprise party. I like it very much.
Chinese guy: You know what is my best memory?
Japanese girl: […]

Girl #1 to giggling Girl #2: What’s up with you? Are you drunk?
Girl #3: No, she’s just white.
– Overheard on #134 Progress bus

Bus driver: Everyone please exit through the back doors once we arrive at the stops. Thank you.
Man with thick Russian accent: There is too many damn people in this country.
Bus driver: Could everyone please move towards the back to allow other passengers to enter the bus. Move towards the back. Thank you.
Man with thick Russian […]