You’re on your own, kid

Couple arrive at a nightclub. The girl at the door asks for the cover charge but the guy is short on cash. The door lady summons a bouncer to take the guy to the green machine inside the club, instructing the girl to wait at the door with the another bouncer.
Bouncer to girl: He’s not […]

Prediction has downfalls

girl texting: I wanted to type ‘p*ssy’ but it came out as ‘puppy’
– Overheard in Toronto at Centennial College

Nobody Likes To Go Alone

Guy #1: Hey man, you want to go tickle the ivory’s?
Guy #2: Oh uh. No… I don’t have to go.
Guy #1: What? Um. It means play piano, man.
Guy #2: Oh… sure, then.
– Overheard in Toronto at a house party

Never noticed it before

Person #1: Oh, I wanna get this album from HMV, is there one around here?
Person #2: Bloody hell, we’ve passed by 3 HMV’s in the past 20 minutes!
– Overheard in Toronto at the south end of Yonge & Bloor, past Manulife Centre

Mushroom Feet

Man on balcony (wearing toadstool fluffy slippers): These mushrooms are killing my toes!
His friend: Keep your sweaty Super Marios away from my drink!
– Overheard in Toronto on Close Ave (South of King)

But They Probably Remember Her

guy (on his cell): Sorry, I can’t keep straight all of the places where you threw up on the bar.
– Overheard in Toronto in a streetcar on College

French pick up lines

*outside a club *
Guy (to girl): Excuse me, have you ever heard of the Beauty Olympics?
Girl: I’m sorry what did you say?
Guy: I said, have you ever heard of the Beauty Olympics?
*Girl tentatively shakes her head to say no.*
Guy: Because if you were in it, you certainly would have won gold.
– Overheard by a Torontonian […]

Paid Compliment

Young woman #1(intentionally loud enough for the bus driver to hear): Hey, the bus driver’s kinda cute.
Young woman #2: Oh, yeah.
*Bus driver turns around to look at them, smiles*
Young woman #1(in a hushed voice): Do you think he’s on commission, or should I try asking him out?
– Overheard on the #52 Lawrence […]

Mail Bonding

Girl to friend: My yahoo email has been getting much more action than my gmail lately.
– Overheard at Eaton Centre

Torontines in a Tin

Bus driver: Everyone please exit through the back doors once we arrive at the stops. Thank you.
Man with thick Russian accent: There is too many damn people in this country.
Bus driver: Could everyone please move towards the back to allow other passengers to enter the bus. Move towards the back. Thank you.
Man with thick Russian […]